Fuck!!!!!!!

       It's settled, I can not win in the arena of marriage! From now on the only plausible answer to anything my wife asks is...... "What do you think honey?", "I like it if you do!", "I am on the fence!"
        My wife is the hottest fucking woman I know. She has lost like 3 gazillion pounds, and looks smoking fucking hot. I get a boner just thinking about her! But last night she puts on this sexy red dress & asks me if I think it would be a good dress for her to take a picture in for her current weight loss contest she is thinking about entering. After looking at her hot ass in this sexy red dress, I tell her that it may not be the most flattering dress for her figure. This does not mean her figure is in question. Hell most of the ladies I know who are 35 years old are all blown out and skankified. Quite the contrary, my wife could give a dead man a boner with her sexy ass. If she only knew how hot she is.... but I digress. I told her that some of the outfits I have seen her in recently have been more flattering to her figure......... Big mistake! I went to bed with no hug, no kiss, and small fear that I might be the recipient of a dagger to my spine as I slept, for my comments. Then my morning snuggle did not occur, leaving me in a state of kabosh for the day. I mean fuck... what the hell? I have a pretty shitty existence. I get up, drive to work for an hour, work 8 hrs, then drive home an hour. Most nights I finish the night with homework with the boys, watching TV alone as she blogs, and going to my king sized bed alone with nothing but my thoughts. So my early morning snuggle with my wife is damn near the most rewarding part of my day. I get to spoon her for the 10 minutes between alarm breaks, then she is gone. I imagine that we are in love, and that she yearns for my touch as much as I do hers..... But I truly believe that the only reason she lets me snuggle up next to her is because she is only partially conscious, and she has no will to push me away. Yea.. pretty pathetic for a 40 year old guy I know. Settling for table scraps from a sleeping woman to feel wanted..... But screw you if you think you are better than me!!!!!!!!
        Where was I? Oh yea, I was talking about how I feel bamboozled today.... Last night I am asked if a dress looks appropriate for a picture contest, and today I am being told that I she wanted to wear the dress out on our date for our wedding anniversary, and I shot it down.....I mean WTF???? Hello, she was wearing a sexy red dress that revealed everything I love about her figure. Her sexy legs, and her tits., and her neck...Shaaaawing!!! Had she asked me, "What do you think about this dress for a night out?" I would have responded with, " Great, I have nothing to wear to come even close to looking as good as you." But that is not what I was asked......... So today I feel like shit.... my balls hurt for whatever reason, and work sucks as usual.... Fuck life!!!!!!

Cum On Feel The Noize

The cramped confines of Ruth Eckerd Hall, the fat lady to my right spilling over into my seat who complained of too many homosexual undertones in the show, nor the excessively long lines at the drink counters were enough to detract from the awesomeness that was “Rock of Ages.” From start to finish the high energy of the show carries you through the love story of the 2 main characters. There was so much going on all over the stage that I believe it would be hard to catch everything without seeing the show at least 2 or 3 times. A couple of the songs I did not recognize, but most of them have childhood memories attached to them, some that will go to my grave with me. All of the singers had fantastic voices, and the over the top personalities of the characters in the show kept me laughing & smiling from beginning to end. From the big hair & torn leotards, to the numb chucks and oversized cell phones, it seemed like they stepped back into my junior year of high school & collected all of their ideas & props. This was one of the best shows I have been to, and definitely think I would see it again if the chance arises. My two sons were on opposite sides of the fence when asked if they had a good time. My oldest had a blast, and I think he understood just enough of the adult humor that he felt a little grown up. My youngest on the other hand was awake for the whole show, clapped on queue, and  smiled on occasion, but said he was ready to go by the end of the first act. Both of whom managed to sit between me and my lovely wife throughout the whole show, leaving us until the ride home before we got a chance to talk about the show. There were several times throughout the night that I leaned over to point something out to her only to realize she was 2 seats away, and yelling would be rude & unproductive. Since what I had to share would have been lost on my kids, I just returned to watching the stage…. As far as dates go, it could have been better, at least for me. Nothing would have been better having my mind whisked back to my youth than to have had the opportunity utilize the ole yawn, stretch, arm around my girl move. Maybe get her to forget about Becky and stolen love long lost.But regardless, the 2+ hours that the show ran allowed me to forget about the stress of work, the anxiety of mounting bills, and even the fucking IRS for awhile, and just enjoy the night.

Friggin IRS strikes again!

Life is fraught with inconveniences, injustices, & a lot of just plain bullshit! And few of those things can get to me like our Government. To be more specific, the IRS has the knack for not just infuriating me, but leaving me feeling powerless, insignificant, and mad as Mel Gibson being pulled over for DUI stop all at the same time. I can go from having an enjoyable game of Halo on the Xbox with my two boys on a lazy Saturday afternoon to suffering through  a ruined day, all in the time it takes to open that big brown envelope they like to send. It is not that I am finding out that I have been chosen to be audited again for the 2^nd time in as many years, as this is probably common for those of us who are self employed & doing everything they can just to get buy. I mean really, why would the IRS bother AIG, or Saks & Goldberg who probably short them millions, if not billions, of dollars annually, when they can try to squeeze an extra $3K out of a working class schmuck like myself? But to pinpoint exactly what it is that truly sends me into an emotional & mental meltdown is that they can take any deduction you claim decide that the 40 pages of documentation you send them to justify said deduction is not enough to prove that the cost was incurred during that tax year. For me the kick in the balls is that they have chosen one of the shittiest things I have to do every day & tell me I can not prove I did this every God Damn workday of the year, therefore I can’t claim the deduction. Those who know me know I hate driving long distances. I hate sitting in the car and dealing with the countless fuckheads who I share the roadways with. (Some of which I am sure work for the IRS) Regardless, 1&1/2 to 2 hrs every day are spent going to and from the job site. Normally that wear & tear can not be deducted unless you meet certain unattainable requirements set forth by the almighty IRS. But when you are self employed, like I, you have the right to keep track of your mileage & use that to calculate that expense as it impacts the profitability of the business. So that is what I do, every year I keep track of how many miles are spent wasted in transit. The log book is kept with the rest of my tax papers in case the IRS gets a bug up there ass and wants to see it. So when a few weeks ago the IRS asked me to provide documentation as to the mileage traveled, I sent them a copy of every page of the log book. I took care to explain that half way through the year I had to replace my vehicle, and that is why the drastic change in odometer readings. Nope that is not enough. Now they want proof that I incurred those miles in 2008. I have to have two forms of documentation that verifies the mileage was what I said it was at the start & end of the year. Who the hell goes and has their mileage verified on Jan 1 every year by a notary public.

It was written in the stars!

If you look to your horoscope for a preview of your day, look again: You're probably following somebody else's supposed fate.


Thanks to Earth's wobble, astrological signs are, well, bunk. (Or even more bunk than you might expect.) Astrological signs are determined by the position of the sun relative to certain constellations on a person's day of birth. The problem is, the positions were determined more than 2,000 years ago. Nowadays, the stars have shifted in the night sky so much that horoscope signs are nearly a month off. [Read: Why Your Horoscope for 2011 Is All Wrong ]

"Astrology tells us that the sun is in one position, whereas astronomy tells us it's in another position," said Joe Rao, SPACE.com's skywatching columnist and a lecturer at New York's Hayden Planetarium.

The shift is caused by precession, the wobble in the Earth's axis caused by the gravitational attraction of the moon to the Earth's equator. Precession popped into the spotlight this week after Minnesota Planetarium Society board member Parke Kunkle told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune about the gap between the astrological and the astronomical view. The story spread around the Internet quickly, but it's actually old news, Rao said.

Very old news.

"The earliest known astronomer to recognize and assess the movement of precession was Aristarchus of Samos, who lived around 280 B.C.," Rao told LiveScience.

The attention triggered by his interview with the newspaper has been "astounding." Kunkle, who teaches astronomy at Minneapolis Community and Technical College, told Livescience, He gave the interview at the request of the paper to discuss precession, and the science he described is centuries old, he said.

Bombshell dropped?" Kunkle said. "Well, no, not really."

Here's what astronomers know: The Earth is like a wobbly top. As it rotates, its axis swings in a circle, pointing in different directions. As the Earth's position shifts, so does our perspective of the night sky.

For example, Rao said, we take the North Star, Polaris, for granted. It's the star most closely aligned with Earth's North Pole. But back when the pyramids were constructed, the star that aligned with the North Pole wasn't Polaris at all: It was a star in the constellation Draco called Thuban. In 12,000 years, Earth's North Star will be Vega, the brightest star in the constellation Lyra.

The complete rotation takes 26,000 years, Rao said.

"Everything in the sky is in flux," he said.

Even if the astrological signs were stable, there's no evidence the stars have anything to do with people's day-to-day existence. One 2006 study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences used data from more than 15,000 people and found no relationship between date of birth and personality.

Despite the complete lack of scientific and observational evidence for astrology, 25 percent of Americans still believe in it, a recent Pew survey found. So here are the "real" dates of astrological signs, according to astronomers:

• Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.

• Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.

• Pisces: March 11-April 18.

• Aries: April 18-May 13.

• Taurus: May 13-June 21.

• Gemini: June 21-July 20.

• Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.

• Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.

• Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.

• Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.

• Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

• Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.

• Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

The list includes Ophiuchus, a formation the ancient Babylonians discarded because they wanted 12 star signs, not 13. That's yet another example of how astrologers cherry-pick and ignore astronomical observations, Rao said.

"It's crazy," Rao said. "Really, they have their own set of rules."

Nevertheless, maybe some good will come of the astrology-astronomy media blitz, Kunkle said.

"At the very least, I hope it makes people go out and actually look at the sky," Kunkle said. "That's the fun part."

(This article was copied from MSNBC.COM.You can follow LiveScienceSenior Writer Stephanie Pappas on Twitter @sipappas.)

New jeans = happy day

With a light zipping sound, I was in heaven. Who would have known that my boys could feel so comfy?  I can’t do anything about the fact I have to sit at my desk for 8 hours and stare at this God damn screen, but thanks to my beautiful wife I am doing it at a new comfort level. What could I possibly be ranting about? Why this awesome new pair of jeans that I am sporting today. My wife keeps harping on me that I need to replace my 6 sizes too large jeans that I have had in the closet for at least 5 years. But being the frugal clothes shopper that I am (by frugal I mean that I don’t replace anything until it is shredded due to years of wear & tear) I manage to avoid purchasing new clothes unless absolutely necessary. I feel guilty that my belt has to spend the day at home, probably on the floor with our nympho cat Bella chewing on it, due to the fact these pants don’t fall to my knees when I stand up. And it will take some getting used to that I can actually place my keys in my right pocket without them falling straight thru to the floor. All though there is something that can be said for being able to access to your Nether regions without having to trech to the boys room & drop trough whenever you need to itch that hard to reach spot. (Yes I have Germ-X at my desk & use it by the gallons, especially after a good round of ball scratching!) So today, my dear, the love of my life, my hats off to you! Thank you for keeping me in mind as you did your shopping yesterday, and with the proper care, I can make these jeans last until the boys are out of college!

Weekend recharge!

Getting away was just what the doctor called for. The Mrs, our boys, and I headed up to Orlando for some amusement park play time. It is on these rare occasions when I take a day off of work to hang out with the family that I get a chance to remember why I get up every other weekday & drive the 90 minute round trip to spend eight hours doing the job thing. Friday started with the scramble to get the car loaded & the house prepared for our 2 day departure. But once the cat litter was refreshed, and food and water were stocked for the cats & the guinea pigs, we were off. The drive was pretty pleasant, & I enjoyed the chance to talk with my wife about various topics. Other than the occasional “pass at any cost” asshole that cut us off along the way, we had fewer than normal problems on the roadways. Once we finally all managed to meet at the entrance of Islands of Adventure, the mornings endeavors were planned. It did not take me long to get fed up with the idiots who blindly walk straight ahead as they look down & text, read a map, or feed their face. That aggravation was only topped by the person who would think it is a great idea to stop mid step & break out there park map. This resulted in me practically tripping over them or their mongoloid brat in the stroller they were schlepping. But I did manage to not scream at any of these douchebags, and allowed my day to remain enjoyable. After several coasters, a few overpriced meals, and a blister the size of a marble on my little toe, I managed to get us all back to our little condo that the Mrs found online for a killer price. After a makeshift dinner, and a dip in the heated pool we called it a night and cuddled up under the blankets. I drifted off to sleep exhausted yet content in the arms of my beautiful wife(at least that is how I choose to remember it). I am sure had we both not been so exhausted, I’d have had to fight of her sexual advances for hours.


Morning brought a reluctance to crawl from the warmth of our bed, but alas the 10am checkout was fast approaching. We all got ready for another day of park mayhem & crammed all our stuff back into the car in time to make our checkout. Surprisingly the Saturday crowd seemed a little thinner than the previous day, and we managed to get in on several rides before the time to head back home arrived. By far the best ride had to be the new Harry Potter Forbidden Journey ride. Had the lines not been so long I am sure we would have enjoyed it more than the two times that we did. Once we had all but seen and done everything the two parks had to offer, we trekked back to the car for the long trip back to Tampa. It wasn’t the longest vacation I have taken nor the most intimate, but this past weekend was just what I needed to re energize myself. So even the annoying counter buzzard Sandra seemed to get under my skin even less today than before the trip. Don’t mistake being less annoyed with giving a shit about how many times she had to rearrange her furniture this past weekend, or how the ache in her foot is just not getting better. If she took a knife to the throat, her gurgling death sounds would be music to my ears. That hasn’t changed, but at least as she fills my day with her broken record conversations that seem to repeat every couple hours, I can zone out and think about the sights & sounds that filled my weekend.

Déjà vu

     This Friday will be the 6 year anniversary of arguably the worst day of my life. On 1/7/2005 my day started pretty much like every work day up to that point. Up at 7am, out the door in time to stop for fast food breakfast (McDonald’s on this particular day) and arrive at work in time to unlock the pharmacy & sign on to the system by 8am. But before I even had a chance to tear into my steak, egg, and cheese bagel that morning I was summoned to the manager’s office. From there the story gets long and involved, but suffice it to say I lost my job, my license, and my freedom that day. I have replayed that morning in my head hundreds if not thousands of times since then, and it is never a fond reflection.

      So today when I walked into the pharmacy and felt all the eyes following me I could not help but feel a sense of Déjà vu. Then when I got to my desk I was greeted with a note taped to my monitor saying “Dave- do not do anything today, see Monika.” This sent my stomach into cart wheels & my anxiety level through the roof, and I felt a bit faint as I searched for Monika to see what was up. Not having any luck in tat search I headed back to my desk only to be told that the pharmacy director is looking for me & I need to go sit in his office & wait for him. As I sat down I felt like a kid in the principals office about to be punished for some misdeed. Compounding the mind fuck I was experiencing was the seemingly hundreds of eyes watching me through the glass walls of his office. Just a casual glance over my shoulder would cause any gawker who’s eyes met mine to look away in that “what, I wasn’t looking at you…” fashion. Then out of the blue my bladder decided it had to be emptied immediately. I tried to adjust my sitting position, but this only seemed to increase the pressure on the ole fire hose. At just the moment I stood to make a quick run to the pisser, the boss walked in & with a quick “have a seat” he shut the door and sauntered over to his throne(not really a throne, but it is an extremely large chair that looks way more comfortable than the ones us grunts are given). After the obligatory uncomfortable moment of dead silence he casually announced that the position I held was no longer available. As a matter of fact the entire department that I work in has been sold to another company, and effective immediately I am to discontinue any actions pertaining to the respiratory pharmacy. As you can imagine the need to piss seemed to vanish immediately as the tightening in my chest seemed to be indicating an impending heart attack or at the very least a panic/anxiety/fear attack. In the next period of silence I remember thinking about my how hard things were just about to get for me and my family. I am guessing it was at that moment that he realized he should tell me that even though the respiratory department is no longer in operation, and all positions in that department have been vacated, that I should not worry about it. In my head I wanted to say “fuck you, easy enough for you to say since you still have a job,” but thankfully before that thought could be processed & sent to my mouth he told me that they will be transitioning me onto the regular pharmacy team, and I will still be a full time pharmacist for the company. He repeatedly stated that he made it clear to all involved that I will not be losing any hours from my schedule. He said, as a matter of fact, the pharmacy has done so well in the last 6 months, which they may need to add more staff to keep up. Knowing that this field is very volatile, his reassurances did not 100% resolve my current emotional crisis. But I would say that because of my history with this company, I am about 92.8% certain that I will be employed for the foreseeable future. Even later in the day the executive director sat next to me at the lunch table & started talking about how they will be utilizing me in the pharmacy more, and I can rest assured that my income will not be effected by the company changes. Even as he got up to leave he offered pat on the shoulder that said, “don’t worry, you’ve earned your spot here.”
     My day has been a busy one, getting all the accounts ready for transfer to the new company who will be taking them over. Some of my patients I have talked extensively with & even though I have never met them I still feel like I know them. It’s kinda like having a friend move away & knowing that you will never keep in touch after today. I am sure it won’t be long before new patients have taken their places, and I will have a whole new world of stories to listen to. I can only hope that I never have to experience being called into the office like that again… I am not sure my heart or my bladder can take it…